Hey everybody. I want to apologize for not writing my Daily Documents for the last few days. It was very hard for me to come up with any inspirational thoughts to share with my husband's deployment coming up so fast, and I couldn't figure out a way to talk about it without breaching Operation Security (OPSEC) protocols (we aren't supposed to say exactly what date the soldier deploys until he's already gone), and I felt it was really making a damper on anything I wanted to write about. To make a long story short, I'm back!
So anyway, my babe left for Afghanistan today. Total down morning over all. My almost 5-year old understood the concept of daddy leaving for a "long time" and was very sad about it, but the tears for her didn't come until we got home after our farewell. Which obviously brought all my tears to the surface...again. My 3-year old still could care less. I give her a day, or at least until tonight, when the "Where's Daddy?" questions start breaking out.
So I was TOTALLY bumming about his deployment initially after he boarded his bus, but I wiped away my tears, loaded up the kiddos in the car, took care of a couple of errands, and then came home. What did I do when I got there? I popped in my first TurboFire dvd set, because TODAY not only marked the day my husband would be deploying to Afghanistan, but it also marked DAY ONE of my 90-day Challenge for my Challenge Group. I chose to workout to TurboFire for 90 days, and trust me...I am already kicking myself in the butt for it! Literally.
Today's workout entailed 40 minutes of serious butt whooping cardio, and then was followed by about 10 minutes of really fantastic stretches. Overall, it was DIFFICULT! But I never was a very big cardio fan (hence, my tubby tummy, but I digress). As a matter of a fact, I've spent just about my entire life skirting anything seriously cardio related under the table. And guess what? That got me absolutely NO WHERE! If I want results, I'm going to have to start liking what I didn't like before, and doing what I wasn't doing before. Today, I must have reached a point where I wanted to turn off the dvd about a hundred times. That's how much I'm out of shape, people. Not to mention this felt like Insanity geared towards women! Except it's a lot more fun. Lol. If I'd caved and turned off the dvd, that would have been EXACTLY what I would have done being the person I was before. But you see, I'm on this new kick now where I'm trying to reinvent myself. I don't WANT to be a quitter. Well, ya know, with the exception of cigarettes. Best decision EVER! As far as everything else, I've quit just about everything I've ever started. All because it got too hard, or it wasn't fun anymore, or whatever. I quit karate after about a month when I was 7. I quit hula when I was 12. I basically quit caring about high school when I was a sophomore, even though I still graduated with Cum Laude. Had I given a rip, I could have graduated with a 3.8 GPA easily...maybe more! I quit just about every job I've ever had. I quit college after 4 years of attempting a degree (after changing my mind about my area of study about 20 times), and then I felt like it wasn't worth it anymore. I'd lost every hobby I'd ever felt truly passionate about because I gave up on it. The thing is, I'm not stupid. I was just lazy. TOTALLY lazy. I am good at SO MANY THINGS, but I never gave myself half a chance to succeed at any of them!
I'm not going to be lazy anymore. Nope, nuh uh, not going to do it. I'm so sick of being lazy and unmotivated and unchanging. I choose to stare change in the face and embrace it. I'm not afraid anymore. The only reason for my fears before were because I was afraid of failing myself AGAIN! What kind of life is that? Always being afraid of failure. It's a sad one, that's what it is. And it's pathetic. I refuse to be THAT girl, THAT woman, anymore. Period.
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy
“We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's always your fault, because if you wanted to change you're the one who has got to change.” ― Katharine Hepburn, Me: Stories of My Life
“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.” ― Maya Angelou
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald
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