Yesterday was the dreaded day I decided to put on a two piece that had been sitting in my dresser for 5 years, and put it on. Not because I'd look good in it, because HOOO-LLLY CRAP, no, I'm so far from it. I did it because it's an important step to keeping me accountable. I can look at myself in that two-piece all I want, but until I stepped in front of my husband behind the camera, and saw the pictures for myself, I hadn't TRULY been paying attention! I don't know what in the world it is with mirrors. Maybe we distort what we really see somehow. But when you see yourself, THAT vulnerable, in a lot less clothes, in a photo....I don't know....it's just different somehow. Worse. More real. Which seems to make absolutely no sense, doesn't it? I would THINK that because I look myself in the mirror every day, that THAT image would seem more real. But I guess even when I look in the mirror, I'm maybe lying to myself. Sucking in a little, so it doen't look so bad. Looking only at the "good" angles, to keep myself from seeing the REAL me. Regardless of why, the pictures were taken. And then I REALLY looked. And so did my husband. He saw what he always sees. Every...single....day. And my Lord, do I love that man so much more for it! It's a harsh reality when you see a video or a photograph of yourself and you realize you're expecting your spouse to be turned on by THIS. Too real.
So anyway, instead of getting bummed about it, I was even MORE enthused about my plans for change. I did a sexy little "dance" in front of my husband and said, "Get a good look at this body baby, and kiss it goodbye. When you come back from your deployment in 9 months, you're not going to know what happened to this person. She'll be gone."
Attitude is everything, my friends. A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 100% (do the math. I'm right). Remember this!
A - 1
T - 20
T - 20
I - 9
T - 20
U - 21
D - 4
E - 5
PS: No, I'm not posting those pictures until August. Stay tuned!
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